One year ago....

One year ago today, I was in the hospital in Gillette Wyoming. I had found out a few days before, on the 16th, that my little baby had died. So on the morning of the 19th, Brandon and I found ourselves at the hospital. I was to be induced to deliver our baby. It was a terrible time in our lives. A time I wish to never relive again. But after 2 days of being in labor, at 200 am, September 21st, 2009, I delivered a 9 oz 7 1/2 inch baby boy. The doctors didn't think I would be able to tell what the sex of the baby was, but I was farther along than previously thought, and my little Steven Alonzo Mitchell was perfect. I was thought to only be 17 weeks along, but he was so much more formed-I was at least 19 weeks. He was tiny, but he had 10 fingers and 10 toes. He had ears formed. His little eyelids were formed. He had a very distinct Mitchell nose. He had the distinct jaw line that Brandon and Weylon have. He was my son. He was perfect. I don't think a lot of people understand the sadness and pain I felt as a mother unless you have experienced the loss as I felt. When the nurses cleaned up his little body as best as they could and placed him in a blanket and in my arms, I loved him as much as I loved Savanna, Weylon and OakLeigh when they were placed in my arms. No matter what, I felt this little tiny guy kick and move. I heard his little heartbeat several times. I saw him moving in an ultrasound. He had his little legs crossed and was moving his hands back and forth. He had life. President Brigham Young said that once the mother feels life in her baby, then that means his spirit has entered into him. I believe that with all my heart. I also believe that one day, I will hold my angel in my arms. He is MY SON. And I love him. I know my Father in Heaven did not make me go through all this pain to not be with my Steven someday. I am so thankful that I was able to hold his little body and kiss him goodbye. Even though he may not have taken a breath on earth, he was my son. I love him as much as I love my other children. It hurts as much as it would any other way. But I know that the Lord's plan is perfect. I know that He is a just and merciful and loving Heavenly Father. I know I will be with my baby again. I accept my Father's will. I am thankful that I have MORE reason to try harder. I have MORE reason to give more. More reason to love more. More reason to try to live my life more Christ like. I hug my children a little closer. I have a different perspective on a lot of things in life. So I have my little angel to thank for that. Today, one year ago, I didn't know how I was going to get through this life. Now I know I have so much to look forward to. Even though it was the hardest thing I have ever had to face in my life so far, I believe there was a reason. I believe that in the end, it will all be o.k. Life does go on. I love being a mother. I love being a wife. I love my family. I'm ok. I have felt my Savior's love. I feel my Heavenly Father's love. I have felt His arms wrapped around me. I have felt the promptings that my son is o.k. I have felt so many prayers of family and friends. I am so thankful that families are eternal.

School Begins!

I can't believe that my little baby girl is so grown up now! She does so well in school and is so SMART! I am so proud of her. She has a really good teacher this year (again) and I know she will go far in all she does! Thank goodness for the Rozet school. I love it. I am scared to death for after the 6th grade since this school only goes to 6th. I do NOT want the kids to go to Gillette. I dont want them to go to Moorcroft because I will have to drive them and I am scared to DEATH to let them drive on the interstate in the winter (once they are old enough to drive that is). I don't know what I will do. I literally sit up at night and fret about what we are going to do! I know it will all work out whatever it will be, I do have faith! It just scares me right now.

I am so excited for my little Weylon to go to preschool this year. I figured he better go cause next year when he hits kindergarten it will be pure HELL to have him go all day everyday! Preschool here is on tuesday and thursday all day! And he gets to ride the bus to school and home. Its a good introduction into next year! And I was so nervous I would get a phone call for him that he was melting down. But he didnt! He did great and LOVES it! His teacher Kathy Reynolds is the cutest, nicest lady and he LOVES her. That helps! I am proud of him for going. I know it was scary. But I know he will learn lots and do really well this year!

Its actually really nice on my Tuesdays here. Its just me and Oaks! We like our quiet time together. She misses her "YayYay" and "Sissy" but I think she likes just me and her on that day! The rest of the days I tend other kids. And thats nice cause it entertains Oaks and I get paid!

All in all I think we are up for a GREAT school year! I am proud of my kids and I love them so much!





Schools out! They are RUNNING home from the bus!
Waiting for the bus! I was so nervous for little Weymore's first day! Thank goodness for his big sissy!
Can't believe Savanna is 7 and in 2nd grade! Times goes WAY TOO FAST!
Weylon was so scared the night before he couldn't fall asleep. Then he was so EXCITED he waited outside for the bus for over 30 minutes!~
Can't you feel the LOVE between them!
Gotta stick a pic of OakLeigh on that day! She had fun watching for the school bus too!

New Year Resolutions

Well unlike most normal people that make there new years resolutions on new years day...first of the year...I like to make mine when school starts. It seems more fresh to me than in the middle of the school year. I know sounds strange to most, but in my mind its right. Well anyways, since the kids start school soon I have been thinking a lot about what I would like to accomplish this year. And so decided I better put it to good use on my blog that way if anyone reads this you can try to hold me to it!~ (HAHA)

1. Family scripture reading every night. Even if its only a few verses. We did really good for a while, but have slacked again for some reason. So we need to get on the right track again.

2. Be more diligent in kneeling for my own personal prayers each night. I always say my prayers at night, but have somehow got into a terrible habit of saying them IN BED! I know I am not communicating well with my Father in Heaven when I say them in bed because I manage to fall asleep during each prayer. And therefore I dont listen to Him either, because I am off to dreamland. So from now on, my goal is to pray kneeling again.

3. Try to enjoy the little things. I get so caught up in trying to keep my home clean. Or trying to get caught up with laundry. I get frustrated (because it is a never ending process) and then get mad and take it out on my kids. I feel like life is passing right by and before I know it my babies wont be babies anymore. I dont want to miss anything. I want them to remember mom getting on the floor and playing with them. I want them to have good memories of their childhood, not of mom mad cause the house is a pigsty!~

4. NO MORE SODA! Seriously this one might actually kill me. But I read an article on Aspartame and the effects the "diet" soda can have on someones body. And it scared the dickens out of me. So I am going to try my VERY HARDEST to just avoid soda pop all together. It will be hard. I will probably go through a serious detox state. But I think it will be for the best in the end. (Sadly my mouth is watering just thinking about a diet dr pepper with vanilla). But I dont want to go back to non-diet either. I already have enough issues working against me trying to lose weight. I know regular soda would add so much more to the plate.

5. I want to have a better self image. I hate the way I feel about myself. And I dont ever want my kids to feel like they are too fat, or not too cute, or not good enough. And its not that anyone has ever told me these things. Its something deep within my soul that I need to work really hard on and figure out. I have great parents who always brought me up. I have a wonderful husband who always makes me feel good about myself. But for some reason Satan know my weaknesses and he works really hard on that one on me.

6. Work on baby books for OakLeigh and Weylon. They dont have one at all.

7. Do my elliptical atleast 4 x a week for 30 minutes at a time.

There will be more. But for now thats what I need to work on.

Kindness!

Well first of all I want to say that sometimes I get so grumpy and think that the whole world is going to pot! Sometimes my hope in humanity is so shotdown by the negative things in life, I forget that their is good everywhere! Well today my hope was restored! And for something so simple and small. Yet it meant the world to my kids and strangely to me as well! So I had a phone call from my endocrinologist today at 300 that she would like me to get to the Gillette hospital lab and get my blood work done asap, so that she can see what they need to up my synthroid dose to. Well I got there right at 545 pm (they close at 600). I had to bring my kids because Brandon had meetings at the church. So, I promised the kids that if they were EXTREMELY GOOD during my labs that on the way home they could eat at Wendy's for dinner. Well they were better than EXTREMELY GOOD! I was so proud of them. So I stopped at Wendy's on the way home. Thinking that ooh, thanks to my dear friend who sent me $20 for my birthday, we get yummy greasy food for dinner. HAHAHA.. Well we pulled to the drive threw and ordered. I dug through my purse and couldnt find the money. I only had $3.00. OH and the other day I lost my stupid debit card and had to cancel it and wait for a new one. Well the new one came today and I activated it. But when I handed it to the casheir it wasn't working yet. GRRR. Kids are starting to cry. I am starting to panic. So I said, "I am sorry. I only have $3.00. So please change my order to just 3 value french fries." And here comes the hope being restored part. A kind dear lady said here I got it. And just gave it to us FOR FREE!~ My kids were cheering. I am a highly emotional mess lately and got teary eyed. And thanked the lady profusely. She smiled and walked away. Seriously, she saved my hide. The ride home would NOT have been too enjoyable for me cause my children would have been crying. And starving. And I would have had to hurry and fix dinner at 730 at night! Which I was NOT looking forward to doing. So thank you kind lady. You restored my hope for humanity! I am seriously so thankful for the kindness and goodness in people. I hope to pay it forward!

8 years ago,...

Well since my 8 year anniversary is coming up on August 22, I thought I would post something about that. Ever since I graduated high school, all I wanted was to get married and be a mom. I dated a few guys, 2 of them were not LDS. They helped me to realize what was important to me and what I wanted in my future. They were nice good people, but didnt share with me anything at all that was important to me. The gospel of Jesus Christ was (and is) so important to me. I am so thankful for my parents who made us get up and go to church every Sunday. Who had us sign up and go to seminary. I am thankful for that because later when I left home, it was a natural thing to get up and go to church every Sunday. Even when I had roommates who never went. Or when I lived with Aunt Jean and Karen and drove to the singles ward alone. I am so thankful that was instilled into my brain: go to church, go to church, go to church. It is what helped me later when I was dating the non-members. And I am not bashing them, they were good guys. We just had different ideas of what was important for our future. Well I went through Snow College. Graduated. Worked for a while. Went to Utah State University. Graduated. Moved to New Mexico and worked on the dairy as an AI technician. It was an amazing experience, I loved the work. I loved how it made me feel to be working with cattle and working hard. But I went back to a big empty house alone. It gave me a lot of time to think. And I wanted more for my life than to have a good job. I like noise and chaos. I like hearing kids laughing. I like being closer to my family. And I knew deep in my heart I was not where my Heavenly Father wanted me to be. I knew there was more for me than that. I think that is why I was so unhappy there in Willard. I was very unsettled. I couldn't grasp that that was home. It just wouldn't rest well for me and my heart was not at peace. So when I made the decision to move back to Utah or Wyoming, I felt this overwhelming rush of peace. It was a feeling I hadn't had for a very long time. My mind seemed to settle down. I was able to sleep and focus again. So Logan and Lexi came and helped me load up one night and we left. I went and stayed at the camper with dad in Farmington NM, where he was working and living till mom moved after the school year. Mom called me after a day of being there, and told me that the USDA had a job position in the Lyman newspaper. It would be working for the Farm Service Agency. I decided I should apply. I called and Terry faxed me the application and told me to hurry and fill it out and fax it back because the position was closing that day. I faxed her my resume and application a few hours later. She called me the next day and asked if I could be there for an interview the following Monday. So I drove the 10 hours home to Lyman. Went for my interview, and was offered the job. Things were falling into place for me. Even though I was living at home with mom, as a single woman in a very small town, that had really NO promising events for my future, other than the job, I felt very much at peace...for a while. But I had a lot of things to work out. I started to receive counsel from Bishop France. I went and talked to him once a week for a while to work through a few things. And I actually never talked with him about how much I wanted a family of my own. And one night he asked me if he could give me a priesthood blessing. Of course that was a good idea. So he did. And this is one blessing that I know for a fact that my Father in Heaven was speaking directly to me through the power of the priesthood. I was told that if I continued to get my life in order and get my priorities in line and prepare to go through the temple, I would find my eternal companion. And I was told a few other things that are just as important to help me along the way. But I decided then and there to prepare to get my endowments taken out. I set up a time to start taking temple prep classes. Went home feeling so good and happy. It was within a week of this happening in my life that I started to talk to Brandon. My friend Ben Broadbent gave us eachothers email addresses.We emailed for a couple days, then started talking on the phone. On the following Sunday Brandon was on his way back to Laramie from Salt Lake City. He called and said he was passing Lyman. Do you want to meet? I freaked out. I didnt think he would like someone like me. I knew he liked me over the phone, but in person was a whole new situation. But he drove to my house, met mom and I. We went to my friends house for dinner. He drove home. I knew from that meeting that I just met my other half. In fact, I went to NM with mom the following week, and was telling Chris and Em about him and that I would marry him someday. They both said, "uh huh. sure. You just met him." But I actually felt very much at ease. We started driving back and forth from Lyman to Laramie on weekends to get to know eachother. Within 5 months of meeting, we were married for all time and eternity in the Bountiful Utah temple on August 22, 2002. We have lived through a severe financial hard time. We have lived through several jobs and moves. We have lived through (and continue) some bad health issues. We have lived through the loss of our angel baby Steven. But We have 3 beautiful children here on earth with us. We have a nice home. We have a good stable job now. We live in a wonderful little town with an amazing little branch of people. Through everything we have been through together, we have remained strong and true to each other. I know that I was supposed to move to Lyman so that I could meet Brandon. I know that we have been watched over. I know that we did the right thing by being sealed together in the temple. I love Brandon. He is a good man. He is a good father. He is a good husband. He lives his life full of integrity. He is a person who has struggled through a lot of pain and trials. Trials that have only made him a better man. Trials that the Lord placed in his path to show him a better way. Trials that have shown him how to appreciate the good in everything. Trials that have made him be a better father and husband. I know that Brandon suffers through a lot of pain due to his bad hip and leg. But he is not one that will complain through it. There are days that he is down and cant get out of bed, but he still manages to try to make us happy and laugh. I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father had a plan for me to find my soul mate here on earth. I am so thankful that no matter how chubby I am, how frazzled I may look, I have a husband that tells me every day he loves me. Tells me everyday that he thinks I am beautiful. Brandon, I love you. I am so thankful for you. I know we have gone through some hard times, but we have made it through. You are my strength when I want to give up. I am so glad we can carry each others burdens and help each other along the way. You have made my life better. You make me want to live better. I love you!

Courageously!

I was listening to Jenny Phillips and found this song to be so amazing and touching! I love it! So I decided to post it as my first song on my playlist.

"I do not fear what others think, the Savior means everything to me. And I will stand with Him, Courageously!~"

Who am I?

Its funny how you can be taught something all your life, and it takes one bad day, and sore knees to get reminded. I had a really bad day yesterday. Well it has been building for a while now. But yesterday seemed to explode on me. Its so hard to feel good some days. Especially about me. And yet no one can really understand the pain going on in my mind. Or so thats how I felt yesterday. I felt alone. Everyone here is so thin and cute. All my friends from the branch are model looking people. My sister in laws are all fit and trim (on both sides of the family). My brothers are all active triathlon type people. Even my husband isn't fat. Where do I fit in? I was feeling like I didn't fit in ANYWHERE. I was feeling sorry for myself. I was crying. I have no motivation to exercise. And when I do, my body is working against me right now, so I get even more frustrated. So I got on my knees and prayed for help. And I felt the most overwhelming love and the words came to me. "You are a daughter of God." It is just what I needed to be reminded of. Because even though I may not fit in with how society thinks I should be here on earth, I know that my Heavenly Father knows my true heart. He knows what I am feeling and suffering right now. He knows exactly what I am going through and struggling with and gave me that simple reminder. I am a daughter of God. I know I will continue to struggle with how I look. I know that I will continue to struggle with my thyroid. I know my weight will continue to fluctuate because of it. But one thing will always be a sure and constant in my life. I know that I am a daughter of God. I know my Heavenly Father loves me unconditionally. I know that no matter what, He will be there to give me that reminder.