Tender Mercy!

I have so much to be thankful for. Once again, I have received a tender mercy from my Heavenly Father. I better begin at the beginning. In 2000, my USU campus doc noticed a lump on my neck. I ended up having a golf ball sized tumor on my thyroid. So they removed it and half my thyroid. All went great from then on. I didn't have any thyroid issues (as far as I could tell). Then after I had OakLeigh, in 2008, my Doc noticed a lump again in my thyroid area. I had another tumor on the other half of my thyroid. So when OakLeigh was 5 or 6 months old, I went in for the removal of that tumor and the rest of my thyroid. I stayed in the hospital for 4 or 5 days and went home to my babies. I was told that the biopsy came back as benign. That I had nothing to worry about. So for the past 5 years I have been on synthroid (thyroid hormone) and living life! When we moved to Big Piney I found me a new Endocrinologist in SLC, UT. I had a list of about 15 doctors to choose from. But after calling several and looking over the list, Dr. Goodman's name kept coming back to the top. And I felt very drawn to have him as my doctor. Now I know why. I know that he was the Doctor that would get my records, be very THOROUGH, and help me in a way that I needed at this time. I know that my Heavenly Father was telling me to go to him. Well Dr. Goodman pulled all my records from as far back as he could. He looked over the mayo clinic report of my biopsy in 2008. He said that that tumor did have cancer. I should have had iodine radiation therapy 5 years ago. So, a couple weeks ago I had the radiation. LET ME TELL YOU, I have never felt such fear in my life. Our family doesn't exactly have a good track record when you hear the word CANCER. I watched my Aunt Betsy with her struggles of cancer, and finally her passing away because of it. My Uncle Stoney was a fighter of cancer and he lost his fight. My grandfather Felkins and Uncle Cliff also lost their fight to cancer. Cancer is not a word I take lightly. It is something that I will never just toss around and say for attention or fun. And every scenario went through my mind. My doctor put me on an iodine free diet. It was ROUGH to say the least. I like food. I like to eat food. And I was not a very nice person for those 14 days. My poor family. Brandon made ribs one day, I had to leave the house. One day I cooked pizza for the family. I was a baby. Pouted, threw a rag or 2, and again had to drive around for a while. On this diet, I lost 15 pounds in 14 days. I guess I know I can lose weight now. I just basically need to starve myself. HAHA I had a HUGE list of the don't eats, and a little list of the you can eats. I basically lived on an apple, small baked potatoe (PLAIN=GAG), and 3 oz of plain, TASTELESS chicken breast. And in the morning I ate 1 cup of malt o meal with 1 tsp of sugar. I WAS STARVING. And I am on some insulin resistant meds so, to eat so little for so long, I had the shakes, and added nausea and vomiting to that. WOOHOO! That made for a grumpy momma. However, I do know the good from this diet. And I do plan to adopt a LOT of this eating for my new way of life! (Its just so hard to go from eating whatever to basically around 500 calories a day... that makes a person ornery!) Anyways, I met Emily in SLC and she was my driver and we had the best time. Thank you Em for taking my mind off my family back home, and off the reason I was away from them. We laughed and talked and it was just like old times with her. After 2 days of thyrogen shots, on the 3rd day I had to drink a small dose of radiation. It didn't taste terrible, just like stale, dirty water. It made me feel pukey but wasn't too bad. Then on the 4th day, I swallowed a big silver looking pill of radiation and was locked down from Thursday till Monday in LDS hospital. At first it was kind of nice! PEACE AND QUIET! WOW! I even went to the bathroom SEVERAL TIMES WITH THE DOOR SHUT! AND NO FINGERS UNDER IT OR ANYONE YELLING AT ME! LOL But after about the first 5 hours, I WAS SO BORED! I had LOTS OF BOOKS though and I read 8 books in the time I was there! And I watched some fun movies that Emily and I used to watch in high school. I prayed a lot. I pondered a lot. So many thoughts went through my mind. At the end of this, on Monday morning I was to have a full body scan. I would find out if I had cancer. So many thoughts. What if I had cancer? What if it had spread? What would we do? How would my children and Brandon be ok if it had spread and I didn't make it? How do I break the news to them? My Savanna is the biggest worrier in the world, how would she cope? I knew in my mind, that this radiation is the magic bullet of thyroid cancer. I was aware that if any cancer had remained from the tumor, that this would most likely kill it. But there is always a possibility of it spreading, and then what? I had expressed some of my fears to Brandon. He is my rock. He would always say, "do you have faith?" I do have faith, but faith doesn't always heal you if it isn't the Lords plan. And I would tell him that. And he would always say, "well I have faith that you were drawn to this DR for a reason. I have faith that you are doing this treatment for a reason and I have faith that you will be just fine..." And he said, if you aren't we will deal with it and learn to accept our Heavenly Father's plan because HE KNOWS BETTER AND MORE THAN WE DO. And I know this. I do have faith. I received a beautiful preisthood blessing from Brandon and the bishopric. All my fears were put aside until I was locked up and alone and had too many irrational thoughts and feelings bombarding my brain! I am so thankful for my mom for always being here for me. She came to my house and stayed with my wild bunch. Even though Brandon was home from work in the evenings, I was so thankful to have someone I could trust here. And she was so sick for the WHOLE time. She ended up having bronchitis. I had my scan and was told it was all fine! Brandon took me to Chik-fil-a for breakfast. Because I just wanted to eat and get home. I missed my kids so much! The next day I was called by the dr and told to come back for an ultrasound because they found some questionable spots. HOLY CRAP ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I thought this nightmare was over! We went BACK to SLC and did an ultrasound. My dr. is confidant that if it is cancer, the radiation will kill it. It takes 3 months for it to do its magic. So I will go back in 3 months and see what they say! All in all, I feel so blessed. I know my Father in Heaven led me to this doctor to take care of me. I know that he protected my children while I was gone. I know he will continue to watch over this issue and help me along the way. I feel like I have received so many tender mercies from Him and it will all be ok. As the saying goes, "come what may and love it". And so I will. NO matter what my Father in Heaven has in store, I will live my life to the fullest. I will enjoy all I can and love on my children for as long as they will let me! And I will, everyday, thank my Heavenly Father for always watching over me and keeping my family in his loving arms. Do I think I have anything to worry about? NO. Do I think that the cancer has spread anywhere? NO. But when you are alone, locked in a room for several days, your mind runs away with you, and you can't help but think about the worst and best. I am only putting this on this post for my children. I am doing this blog as a journal for them someday. If I write this down now, I will remember that I have so very much to be thankful for. I have been blessed beyond what I am sure I deserve. On another note, my Savanna girl is 10 years old now. She is the most sensitive, caring, loving child you will ever meet. You know there are people you meet that you can tell immediately the gifts they have been given. Like the gift of gab, or gift of laughter, gift of service. Savanna has the gift of love. She has more love for others in her little pinky that some grown people have in their whole bodies. She constantly worries about the welfare of others. And she doesn't just worry about, she acts upon it. For instance, on Mother's day, the primary made flowers for their moms. Savanna made several extra. And she looked around for some of the older ladies that didn't have any children or grandchildren there and she gave them a flower. So they wouldn't feel left out. I have heard her go into her room and pray for someone she saw kids being mean to at school. She has even had a slumber party (in Rozet) and invited 2 girls just because she knew they had never been invited to a party before. And she made sure she stuck right by those 2 girls and made sure everyone included them. She is one smart cookie also. She LOVES TO LEARN. So for her birthday we got her a kindle fire. And it is the coolest thing. Brandon and I are saving up to get us one too. I will post some pictures. She wanted a 3 layered cake, with rainbows and monster high on it. I tried. I have so much to be thankful for. I am home with my children and Brandon. I live in a free country. I have a family that constantly loves and supports me and everyone else. Brandon has a great job. Even though Big Piney is not my dream town, it is a SAFE place to raise my family. I don't have to worry about my kids in school, or playing outside. I have been given so many tender mercies from Heavenly Father. Also, one of the pictures is of our Financial Peace University class. It is a Dave Ramsey class and We LOVED IT. We are learning how to manage our money. Not let our money manage us! We are almost out of debt completely and we are saving up to pay cash for a house! Our goal is in the next 4 years to pay cash for a home. This class has helped us in more ways than one!