Conference

Lately I have felt like I haven't been living. I know a lot of moms might understand this. I have felt like I am just going on through the day to day tasks but not LIVING! And I have felt like things in my home and my personal goals are out of control! I haven't felt the peace I have needed so desperately in my life. Don't get me wrong, I am happy. I LOVE my life. I love my children. I love my husband. But I just feel almost robotic in my day to day tasks. I wake up. I get the kids off to school. I clean house. I make dinner. I do the dishes. I go to bed and start over. But not only that, but it seems that the spirit has not been in my home lately. It seems that my kids fight and yell every second that they are home. And therefore, I fight and yell more. I haven't done anything for me lately. I am a mom. I LIVE for my children. I live to make sure they are happy and taken care of. However, I have noticed if I am not taken care of and feed myself spiritually, emotionally and physically I am missing a huge aspect that will help me to take better care of my family. Then General Conference came this past weekend. I am not one of those people who jumps for joy and gets all excited because of it. Most people LOVE general conference. Its not that I hate it, but its SO LONG. And 8 hours of watching church with my loud kids is not a tea party. Its like a war zone. No one sits still. No one listens. No one lets me feel the spirit. Its a fight for 8 hours broken up in 2 days. Not my kind of joy! But I am usually determined to make them sit through at least one session on Sunday. But I am up and down and don't get to sit and listen and feel of the spirit for myself. This time around was no different. Savanna is older she will sit and do her thing quietly. Weylon will almost sit and listen. OakLeigh and Memphis would rather be put in a strait jacket in a padded room to bounce around than have to sit through anything quietly for more than 2 minutes let alone a whole session! However they did pretty good this time! And I was able to hear some of the first session. The 2nd session came around. The kids were all playing nicely in the bedroom. So I laid down on the couch and enjoyed 2 full hours of conference. And I felt so spiritually fed and uplifted. I really needed that. I feel it was definitely a tender mercy of my Father in Heaven. He knew I needed this. He knew I was doing less than and feeling less than. A couple talks hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't remember the speaker but he talked about getting our priorities in line. We randomly read our scriptures. Not good enough! We do pray every night but sometimes I wonder how sincere it really is. There is NO excuse to not read your scriptures daily! There is no excuse to not kneel down every night as a family and talk to your Father in Heaven. NO EXCUSE! If facebook, youtube and TV are more of a priority than prayer and scripture study and family time then something is wrong in your family! And BAM! That is whats wrong with me! I pray every night before I fall asleep.....or should I say I fall asleep saying my prayers as I lay in bed every night. How sincere is that talk with Heavenly Father if I am in dreamland for 86% of my prayer? I read my scriptures maybe 1x a week. I do NOTHING for myself physically. NOTHING. I clean house. I watch TV. I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE going to the gym when I was in college. I hate doing aerobics, but I LOVE the feeling of lifting weights and working muscles. After conference I felt so rejuvenated. I set a goal for my family. We have been reading our scriptures every night. We only do one chapter. That's good for us who have 2 of the loudest, not sit down and read scriptures kind of children! And we talked about prayer. About how it needs to be more sincere. And I feel like its getting better. Its not a race to see how fast we can get it done. I have read my scriptures at night. I have knelt by my bed and prayed. I have LITERALLY talked about all my feelings, worries, accomplishments and thanks to my Heavenly Father. And I feel so REFRESHED! I also have started going back to the gym. Every day after school. I go after homework and after daycare kids leave. And yes, it has only been 5 times I can go, but holy cow I feel so good physically! I feel like I have been given a NEW START! I have needed to go to the gym anyways, and this is a good time. Savanna is old enough to watch kids for me. I bring Weylon. He feels like he is getting tough already and he pushes me to go because he LOVES going with me. I know my problem as a mother is because I had moved away from my Heavenly Father in a way. Yes, I have a testimony. Yes, we go to church every Sunday. Yes, I go to the temple. Yes, I pay my tithing. Yes, I believe! However, I wasn't doing any of those things with conviction. I was just doing those things. I think you can live the gospel of Jesus Christ without LIVING THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST. If you don't push yourself to your full potential, and just go day to day with no real and sincere conviction, then its as if you don't really feel it and live it. Ever since last week, I feel more at peace. I feel like I am yelling a little bit less. I feel like we are nicer a little bit more. I can't wait to see what a full year of LIVING does, if I feel this much difference in just a few days! I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father doesn't move away from me. I know He still hears me. I know He still loves me. I know He still pushes for me. Because HE loves ME! He wants me to achieve my full potential as a mother, as a wife and as an individual! I am so thankful I felt that peace and push to live again!